Friday, 14 October 2011

Chapter 4: Regret

Chapter 4: Regret
Bella POV
I wish I knew the date. Normally, I would wake up to hear Charlie watching the sport, his feet resting on my bed, leaning back in the chair as it creaks under the weight. He’d flick through the channels in the breaks, chewing the cold remains of the pizza he’d bought, as I listened, waiting as he paused between the news channels during the breaks.
It was an irritating routine of his back home, eventually I’d take the remote when it was on the reports near Forks, turn the volume up and go back to the kitchen and continue with dinner. I never saw the point in listening to other news reports, until I met the Cullens. Sometimes, when Charlie was out fishing, I would flick through until I found the US News and wait. My ears would prick at the sound of ‘suspicious circumstances’ and I would dart through to see the location. It was a habit I’d picked up with them; Carlisle checked the local murders and deaths each day, making sure everything was ordinary; human.
After he… they left, I carried on listening, widening my search to the East coast, Mexico and even Canada. I tried to kid myself it was for the right reasons – identifying the abnormalities in abductions, checking for unusual deaths, but I always knew why I kept looking. After they left it was my only connection to them, to him. I had a piece of their existence, something to remind me of them, to tell me that they’re still out there and that they were, hopefully, watching out for me in Forks. My guardian angels...
However, today was the exception – apart from a woman, who had vacuumed the floor, mumbling about some soil near my bed, I was alone. Maggie had left on Wednesday, packed up and went as soon as the doctors let her go, so the bed next to me was bare. I had become accustomed to hearing the rustle of events behind the curtain, listening to her soft voice as she talked to George about their daughter. She was about my age, Maggie had told Edward, and we should be good friends when I wake up - if I wake up, he’d corrected.

From the uncertainty in his voice, you’d think I was already dead.
Jacob POV

It’s so hard to get rid of them, when they’re in your head all the time. They’re chasing me now, but I can’t face them yet. I shouldn’t have let my guard down – two weeks of selective thoughts and I slip up tonight. I wish they’d just let it go, it was a mistake and I of all people know that it should never have happened.
Jake! How could you be so stupid? Sam calls.

Yeah, seriously dude, Bella? Jared questions.

Damn, Jake, she’s in a coma! Embry yells.
I think of all the machines and wires, the charts, the disinfectant. It’s still hard to picture Bells in the centre of it, looking so pale and fragile. What was I thinking?
At least she was unconscious. Paul and Jared laugh.

What were you thinking, Jake? Embry asks accusingly. I can almost feel their eyes boring into me, judging me for that stupid mistake.

I, I can explain. I say, skidding in the dirt.

You wanted to be prince charming, Jake? Paul sniggers.

Yeah, the magic kiss wakes your princess? Jared adds, laughing.

Dude, isn’t she the bloodsucker’s girl? Embry says.

Hey, you’ve basically kissed that bloodsucker! Paul shouts, his laugh echoing in the trees.
Jared pictures me and that thing and I skid to a halt, glaring menacingly at Paul.

Shut up Paul! You’ve got no idea!! I turn to him, shaking with fury.

It didn’t change, did it Jake? Your fairytale ending’s failed, hasn’t it? Jared snorts.

Leave him. Sam says.

I wouldn’t want to stay with that thing anyway. Jared spits.

Yeah, it’s disgusting. Paul declares, glaring at me.

You better have a good explanation for this Jacob. Sam commands, turning around.

The others follow Sam as I watch helplessly, torn between following. Embry’s last glance on the horizon almost makes me burst into tears. Almost...

Edward POV

He hasn’t left your side, has barely touched his food, bless him. I meet her teary gaze as her eyes search my face and she sighs, returning her stare to her silent daughter. I clench my mouth in envy as tears drip from her moist cheeks. It does not take many visitors to remind me that I cannot cry. I continue scrutinizing the chart in my hands as Renee wipes her sodden cheeks with the back of her sleeve. 
I’ve still got your hand, honey, do you know? She pleads desperately. I’ve been waiting for you to squeeze it back, to show me you’re still there, that you’re listening to me.

She coughs, as if to speak, but her mouth runs dry and words are replaced with trembling breaths caught in her throat.

Sorry’ she mouths, stumbling from the room to embrace Phil, leaning awkwardly at the doorway. I clench my mouth, throat blazing as their intoxicating scents combine delectably on my tongue.

Make sure he eats something,” Renee mumbles, head resting on Phil’s shoulder as Alice glides through the room. I gesture towards the chart as she perches on the bed, studying my face. I hear Phil shuffle with Renee into the corridor and inhale deeply.

You can’t stay with her fore-” Alice begins. I interrupt by throwing the chart at her.

There is a confusing decrease in her vitals with no logical explanation.”

She’s been on new medication recently,” Alice smiles encouragingly. “Only Bella could manage to baffle the doctors in her sleep.” She’ll wake up soon, Edward.
But of course, she is not asleep, for in her sweet slumber the soft call of her voice would break through the sheets. Through these countless nights, the stillness of her dreaming still slashes at my bleeding mind. I want to join you; my darling, I will follow you into the darkness. You will not be alone.

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